Most Stressful Events in Life: How to Navigate Major Life Transitions
According to a 2023 update of a classic stress scale, the most stressful life events are the death of a spouse or partner, time in jail or another institution, the death of a close family member, divorce and marital separation. Navigating life transitions like these starts with knowing how much you're carrying. Then you pace the changes you can choose.
The updated list holds a surprise, too. Some of the events people plan for and hope for rank close behind the losses.
A 1967 Stress Scale, Rebuilt in 2023
In 1967, the psychiatrists Holmes and Rahe published the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. It gave 43 life events a weight in "life change units," and those events were "found to predict illness onset." The people who rated the events were asked to judge "the magnitude of social readjustment required for each life event irrespective of the desirability of the event."
A scale from 1967 carries some baggage. It still listed "Mortgage over $10,000" and "Wife begins or stops work." So a team publishing in PLOS ONE in 2023 asked 540 adults, aged 18 to 84 and mostly UK-based, to rate the events again, with marriage left at 50 for reference. They openly note that their sample was one of convenience, not a random draw. The scores are best taken as a rough guide.
The 10 Most Stressful Life Events Today
Here is the top of the updated list, with the 1967 score beside each event for comparison. A higher score means raters thought the event demands more readjustment.
| Rank | Event | 2023 Score | 1967 Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Death of a spouse or life partner | 86.83 | 100 |
| 2 | Detention in jail or other institution | 76.88 | 63 |
| 3 | Death of a close family member | 75.84 | 63 |
| 4 | Divorce | 67.86 | 73 |
| 5 | Marital separation | 66.9 | 65 |
| 6 | Pregnancy | 64.66 | 40 |
| 7 | Major personal injury or illness | 64.36 | 53 |
| 8 | Death of a close friend | 64.05 | 37 |
| 9 | Foreclosure/repossession on mortgage or loan | 62.39 | 30 |
| 10 | Losing your job | 60.97 | 47 |
The death of a partner still leads, though its score dropped from 100. The big climbers were foreclosure, the death of a close friend and pregnancy, each up by 25 points or more. Moving house, which one widely shared survey put first, scored 42.69 and came 19th.
Happy Changes Take Adjusting to as Well
Pregnancy sits sixth, above a serious injury. Gaining a new family member scored 51.81, marriage 50 and retirement 49.64. None of these is bad news. They still ask a lot of you, and the raters scored them accordingly.
If a change you wanted has left you struggling, that's adjustment. It's the same process people go through after a loss, only with better news at the start.
How to Navigate a Major Life Transition
No scale can predict how a specific event will hit you. What it can do is give you a sense of how much you're dealing with, and that tells you where to go next. Take the steps below one at a time, in order.
Add Up What You're Carrying
The original scale was scored by adding up the units for every event a person had been through. In the early research, people scoring around 150 tended to stay healthy over the next year. Those who fell ill "were typically found to score > 300," according to the 2023 team's summary. That's decades-old data about groups, not a forecast for you.
Still, the adding up is worth copying. Losing your job and moving house together come to more than 100 points on the new scale. Write down every change from the past year and look at the whole pile, small items included.
Hold Off on the Changes You Can Choose
Some items on the list are optional. You can often delay a move, a career switch or a major purchase, and each one you postpone is one less thing to adjust to at once. If you're already carrying a death or a divorce, keep the elective changes for later. Our post on feeling stuck in life explains why a fresh change rarely settles the one you're already in.
Match the Support to the Event
Three of the top eight events are deaths. Grief can take more than practical help, and the people around you may not know what to say. For illness, job loss or separation, practical help and someone to talk to both matter. If low mood won't lift, our post on what to do when you feel lost in life sets out the warning signs of depression.
Talk Through Your Transition With Karen
Karen Miller Jick holds a Life Transitions Specialist Certificate and a certificate in grief therapy, and she works with people through both expected and painful changes. KMJ also offers end-of-life doula support for families facing a death. A free 30-minute phone or video consultation is the easiest place to start. Book a Consultation
FAQs
How Long Does It Typically Take to Adjust to a Major Life Change?
There's no single answer. For the clinical condition called adjustment disorder, MedlinePlus says symptoms appear "most often within 3 months" of the stressful event and usually don't last "longer than 6 months, unless the stressor continues to be present." Ordinary adjusting has no published timeline that we could find.
What's the Difference Between Normal Adjustment Difficulties and Adjustment Disorder?
The line between them is one of degree. According to MedlinePlus, adjustment disorder is "a group of symptoms, such as stress, anxiety, feeling sad or hopeless, and physical symptoms that can occur after you go through a stressful life event." Some of that is normal after a big change. If it's making ordinary days hard to get through, see a health care provider, who can help you sort out which it is.
How Can I Support Someone Going Through a Difficult Transition?
Do more listening than advising. Karen puts her own approach like this: "My goal is not to tell you what to do. It is to support you as you make your way again to wholeness and peace." Friends and family can take the same stance.
What Kind of Support Is Available for Dealing With Life Transitions?
It depends on the change. A primary care doctor or therapist is the right call when health or mood is involved. A life transitions guide works with people through the change itself and an end-of-life doula supports people and families around a death.
What if I Need Immediate Help?
When someone's safety is at risk right now, call your local emergency number. In the US, you can also call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
